Nightrider London, do I or don't I?

In 2 weeks time it is the sponsored 100km ride around London sights, starting around midnight for me. Am I excited to go? I was until this week just gone...

Things have changed in the past week & I am in 2 minds to go. I don't know if others feel like this at times but I try explain it. 2 weeks ago I lost my job & I have been trying to sort out the benefits for it for the past 2 weeks, that in itself have left a big dent in my finances & made me wonder if I really should be forking out the £40 for the trains. But my parents have offered to help on that & I am grateful, but 2 days ago I got a letter saying I wont get any JSA. No explanation or what I will get, so I spent most of Thursday on the phone between DWP & HMRC as it seems that is the route cause of the problems. They don't bloody talk to each other, so after hours on the phone (mostly in queues) it seems it is sorted but nothing in writing tho. But this has stressed me & still am until I get something in writing.

So other than the financial stress, there's the emotional stress to go with it as I do have others to worry about especially my 2 diabetic cats. Also I'm having to spend hours on the PC looking for work every day, its a requirement & as a result my knee is now giving me jip. I knew it would if I spent too long at a PC desk, it's why I do NOT want a desk job. Then of course the bikes need maintaining, problem is after Pedal for the J's the Trek needs a service & Roadrunner still is not right & of course out of money.

So as a net result of all this I am stressed, more than I have been in a long time & in the mood I am in I really don't want to ride on these road for I know if an idiot cuts me up I will very much likely thump them. So that isn't a good frame of mind for cycling around London. I do wonder if those in the cycling sports suffer this? How do they get their mind into the game so to speak? Right now I just want to say Sod it to everything & veg in front of the TV.

And then of course that isn't the only issues, we have the mess of the trains. It's going to be hit & miss as if the trains will be running or be replacement buses which will be no good. Then there's the weather, if it is like it is atm I sure aint going to cycle around London in the rain. And to top it off I have no sponsors, so if I do this ride it will be just to push me. But the way I am feeling, I can say I am in 2 minds as to whether I do it or not.

When I did Pedal for the J's, I didn't feel like this. Bike was ready, I was in the correct mindset to do it & I had sponsors but Nightrider London its the complete opposite. I don't want to let down those who are going & supporting me but I cant see myself going if I feel like this, I know it wont work if I did & I really don't know how to get around it to change my mindset.

So for now I will have to wait & see what happens in the next 2 weeks as to if I go or not & try find a way to change my mindset on this...